Born to be Alive

Me: 'I just want to check that the way I feel is due to having secondary breast cancer and not because of any imminent, dramatic doom'

Nurse: 'You mean, you'd like to feel better if that was possible?'

Me: 'I would, yep'

Nurse: 'OK, we'll take your bloods.'

This conversation took place just under an hour ago. It was preceeded by this conversation:

Me: I had a mammogram and ultrasound last Tuesday. Dr G says everything's good, all's clear and she doesn't need to see me for another year.'

Oncologist: 'OK, I'll just check your glands... OK, I can't find anything'

He sits back down, checks his notes.

Oncologist: 'I'll just check your glands again... Hmmm, still can't feel anything'

So, up to this point, I was feeling pretty bloody good. OK, pretty crap in some ways but not bad for someone who's not particularly well, try and keep up eh? So now, I'm feeling pretty bad again. I have a constant cold and my immune system certainly doesn't dispose of teeny infections as efficiently as it once did, but surely that's no reason to be terrified?

Everyone keeps telling me to 'Keep Calm & Carry On', positive thinking is great - which is fab and therefore, baffling when you arrive in a positive state of mind and it's removed by the very clinician who keeps telling you to be positive.

So, the nurse has taken my blood (they only do this every second visit; what can possibly go wrong in the six weeks inbetween...) and wimp that I am, I've asked her to call AB with the results. Sorry AB. He's so much better than me at processing this kind of information.

Not figured out how to put the photo where I want to yet, but this is me with three of the lads from Bath Rugby Club who came to see us at Dot House the other week. Lovely lads who let us make all the old jokes about hookers and big thighs and seem up for another visit in the not too distant. Meanwhile, thanks to all for your fantastic sponsorship for the Midnight Walk; not got the final figure yet but we made at least £600, will let you know the final figure asap :0)