Friday, 26 March 2010

This is me at the beginning of Wednesday. The cytotoxic box is covering my stomach. I'm not sure why else I'm holding it. I don't normally.

A couple of hours later I was spark out asleep on the bed whilst the Herceptin and Zoledronic Acid (bone strengthener) were being pumped into me.

Do you like my chipmunk features? The steroids do that, I'm coming off them next week so that'll be nice for the good people of Bath. I think I look a bit scary.

To recap on the treatment side of things 'cos I've been a bit remiss on that score - after starting the chemo in weekly bite size chunks before Christmas, by February the good doctor decided to give me normal size, three weekly chemos and then discovered I'd developed a very rare, allergic reaction to the chemo. This effectively meant I was being deliberately poisoned (chemotherapy) and accidentally poisoned (allergic reaction). Once again, nobody's fault, this isn't an exact science but bloodyhell I felt like shit. I kept saying 'This is so much worse than previously' and various people rationalised it for me; 'You've forgotten how bad it was.' No I haven't! I was functioning previously, now I'm asleep, housebound (I know, I'm not meant to use that word), useless (and incidentally, really pissed off most of the time).

I've not had any chemo for around five weeks which on the one hand is a bit scary but it's giving my body the chance to recover, for which I am truly grateful as being constantly poisoned is such a drag.

Next Wednesday we meet up with my Oncologist again and he will suggest a new treatment regime, which of course we hope will include chemotherapy. He's looking at less 'toxic' forms of chemo for me. I suspect 'less toxic' must in some way mean 'less effective'. I could be wrong but that would seem logical to me.

When I had my first diagnosis the treatment regime was pretty straight forward and as you know, I responded well to it. This is all a bit different but thanks for sitting it out with me. Knowing you're at my side willing me through makes a huge difference. I just wish I could put a post up saying 'Panic over, normal service resumed' but I'm not there. When I am, I will I promise.

Meanwhile, have lovely weekends. Those of you in Bath, beware aging, raging cyclists and balding chipmunks and everybody be safe and happy :-)

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